yeah I'm happy!! It's been like a month and 1/2 since I last was.  Its really nice I must say.  last night it was really weird because I was sitting on my bed doing homework or something and I was just smiling for no reason. I wasn't thinking about anything I just smiled.... weird.... but ya I don't think I'm ever going to get married or anything....  I change my mind too much and my expectations are to high. I think subconciously I start look for something to bug me just so that I don't get stuck in some crazy emotional trap in a one sided relationship.  It sux.  it sounds really stupid and messed up. I absolutely hate it.  I would really like to have a relationship... but I don't think that it'll happen untill I'm like 30... Auh poop..

so I was on spencers blog and his posts really got me thinking...

I feel like I'm just coasting and waiting for something to happen.. I have no idea what it is and I'm afraid that it never will happen.  I can feel it building up and it scares the hell out of me..  it's like this big life changing event thats gonna happen and the worst moment ever and until then everything is going to leave me apathetic.  last night I didn't fall asleep till after midnight because my thoughts were running so wild...  I hate change... I hate thinking about the future, about after high school, when I have to actually figure out what I'm going to be, and how I'm going to be.  Its so crazy to think about.  I'm so scared that I'll never make anything of myself. that this whole exsistance is simply a waste of time.  some people have plans of where they're going and how they are gonna get there.  I envy them.  being so sure of the future.  but at the same time where is the surprise?  life would be so boring, no variety.  life would still have no point.

Yup thats me, dased and confused... and yet I remain happy.. what is wrong with me... it's like I can't be in a bad mood... but I'm not in a really good one either....   i am so screwed up I swear...   anyways props to Spencer for burning me the Anniversary's "designing a nervous breakdown" and "Her Majesty".   I've been really into them lately... (at least this week I will be). but ya one of my favorite songs lately has been "Till we earned a holiday" from "designing....."  its way good. maybe I'll put up the lyrics, put for the moment I am on the school computer and it won't let me access them.

Ya well anyways... It's really good... so um I really want to do something this weekend...  so email me at submersionwhiz@hotmail.com  (no stalkers please) or call me if you have any suggestions  maybe Napoleon Dynomite again.......

We're going to the haunted hallow on oct. 22 which is a friday and we need a big group of people to go so if you want to come then email (Click Here) or just leave a comment or just call me (those of you that have my #) yes it will be really fun they said that its been remade or something and is supposed to be ten acres long so yeah come with us

Josh

oh my I am SSSOOO happy!!!  Friday was like the best day ever and I'm still in a good mood 2 days later! I can't stop smiling!  :-) tehehehehehe  well in honor of Friday I am posting a great song by one of the coolest bands ever... the Smashing Pumpkins.

Today

Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't live for tomorrow,
Tomorrow's much too long
I'll burn my eyes out
Before I get out

I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face

Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
I'll tear my heart out
Before I get out

Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings

Today is
Today is
Today is
The greatest day

I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you

Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
That I have ever really known